For years I have put my kids first. I have made sure that they made it to their doctor appointments on time (mostly), they have all of their school supplies, and that they have a memorable birthday complete with a balloon delivered at pick-up. I have taken them on play dates, to activities, birthday parties, and been a proud annual passholder of various theme parks. I make sure their lunches are filled with their favorite foods. I buy the “right” brand of this and that. I remember which kid was reading which book from which library. I have spent the past 10 years making sure that my kids have a fun and memorable childhood.

Spending all of this time not focused on myself has turned me into a person I do not particularly enjoy. My kids call her Monster Mommy. She yells. She cries. She banishes people to their rooms and takes away screen time. She is the ugly side of this Mommy.

However, it’s time for Mommy to find what makes her happy.

For the majority of my life I have struggled to be happy. Call it anxiety and depression. Call it exhaustion. Call it whatever you want, the blues seem to find their way into my head more often than I like. I have finally started fighting back and I’ve come up with a plan of attack.

My Plan of Attack

1. SAY NO/DELEGATE –

I will be the first one to admit that I over commit my life. I carry my planner around with me every day and it is filled with things that I need to accomplish, appointments that have been made, and (of course) the kids’ activities. Recently I started saying NO when asked to take on one more thing. This week I delegated tasks that have been mine for the past 2 years. {I’ve never felt more free!}

2. TAKE A PILL –

I take St. John’s Wart 3 times a day. It is a natural supplement that my doctor recommended to help me get my blues under control – AND IT IS WORKING. I can tell when I miss a day or two because those yucky thoughts start to invade my brain. As soon as I start taking my pills again I am all good. Do not let anyone tell you that medicine or supplements don’t work.

3. WORK IT OUT –

For years I have told my husband that the reason I’m not good at working out at our community gym or living room is because there is no accountability. I need classes and people around me. Finally we got a gym membership and I have taken a new class almost every day. I’m testing the waters to see what I like, but one thing I do like for sure is the fact that I can tell my body is strengthening. Muscles I didn’t know I had (hello abs!) hurt! 

4. REFLECT –

I’ll admit this sounded silly to me until I started doing it. I pictured reflections as apart of that crunchy mom lifestyle that is the opposite of how I describe myself. Now here I am with a gratitude journal that I fill out at least a few days a week and it really helps me focus on the good things that happen in my day…no matter how small.

5. SOUL SEARCH –

I recently went back on the job hunt after many years of being a SAHM and I don’t even know what to apply for any more! I’ve been asked what my dream job is and all I can think of is a stage actress. Not terribly practical with 3 kids in elementary school. So I have been taking time to research companies around Orlando that I might be interested in working with. Non-profits. Arts organizations. Corporate-y corporate types. The whole nine yards to see where I fit in, and how my skills could be best used. 

6. SLEEP –

Hoot Hoot! For my entire life I have been a night owl. Staying up watching tv, reading, or just messing around in my room. Apparently in my mid-30s that all changed. When my kids go to bed at 8:30 I am not far behind them…usually snoring to beat the band by 9:30/10! This has helped me to get a full 8 hours of sleep most nights and that is awesome. Not being physically exhausted the second your alarm goes off is an amazing feeling.

7. BE A PRIORITY –

I am making time for me whether it is reading by the pool and letting Daddy be the fun guy or stopping by and grabbing a boba tea on my way to pick up. Taking that little time for myself has changed me. 

Banishing Monster Mommy

As I have taken the past few weeks to work on myself, I have noticed Monster Mommy doesn’t come out to yell nearly as often as she used to. Sure, she creeps out of her cave when my 3 tiny tornadoes destroy my living room while I am up against a deadline, but she doesn’t come out for the little things. I hope that I can continue to work on finding my happy while shoving Monster Mommy further and further into her cave to the point where we forget about her.

I don’t want Monster Mommy to be one of my kids strongest childhood memories, I want them to remember the laughter and snuggles. I want them to remember the time that Mommy was tucking them in and pretended that her lips were stuck to their face. I want them to remember the time that we danced a conga line on a random trip to the park or I surprised them with a trip to Chick-Fil-A before school.

The Lesson I Hope They Learn

I want them to remember that Mommy knew when she needed a break and that taking breaks can make us better people.