When I moved to Orlando a couple of years ago, I quickly realized that making new friends wasn’t going to be as easy as I hoped. Many of the social circles I found online for women my age were all about school events, pediatrician recommendations, playdates, and kids’ sports. Don’t get me wrong, I think parenthood is beautiful and I love kids. I fully support my friends who have children and think they are angels and superheroes combined. But life looks a little different for me. I’ve chosen to not have kids (AKA child-free woman) and that decision has shaped how I navigate everyday life and all the expectations that come with it.
People often wonder why my husband and I don’t want kids, and I often find myself explaining our choice. Since society has become more accepting of this lifestyle, most times I’m met with positive comments. But there’s still awkwardness for some surrounding the topic. As a child-free woman, I’ve had my fair share of unsolicited comments from well-meaning folks. Like that one time my neighbor placed her hand on my stomach and said she would pray for me to have “at least one child.” Yup, you read that right! Those moments make me realize that there’s still a lack of understanding regarding our choice.
Living in a world so focused on parenting can make remaining child-free interesting. People at work make assumptions about your availability, family members have their opinions, people remind you that your clock is ticking and there’s the whole worry people have for you about aging without kids. It all adds up to a lot of pressure, so sometimes I just tell people we “aren’t ready for kids…yet”.
Let’s get back to friendships. Even with the couple of friends I already knew in Orlando, it wasn’t easy. They have young kids and understandably are busy with their schedules. Recently I reached out to one of my local friends, hoping we could catch up, but she told me she was super busy with her daughters’ activities. When I suggested joining her at whatever they had going on, she was surprised, but excited. She said that’s how she socializes these days, so it would make it a lot easier for her if we could do that. That conversation was a real eye opener for me. It showed me that I have to be more intentional about telling my friends that it’s okay if we spend time together with their kids. So if you have a friend without kids, or you’re a friend without kids, don’t feel the need to separate friendships from family life. If you’re comfortable with it, there’s room for both.
Don’t feel the need to separate friendships from family life.
Earlier this year, I was also intentional about meeting new people so I hesitantly attended a networking meeting for business women hosted by Eryn at Orlando Mom Collective. It was so welcoming. I have met women from all walks of life there, with kids, expecting kids, and without kids. I’ve found a supportive community. What I love is that the focus isn’t on whether or not we have kids. What connects us is our passion to follow our dreams and accomplish our goals (and coffee of course!). Life is funny like that. Out of all places, I am building a village and tribe of women friends at none other than Orlando Mom Collective and I feel like I truly belong.
– Lastree is a professional organizer who focuses on helping people with ADHD live in a clutter-free home. For more information you can follow her on Instagram and visit her website.
