We’ve all heard the expression, “time flies,” but you probably never really understood or appreciated the truth of that sentiment until you became a parent. Of the many invaluable lessons our children teach us, perhaps none are as important or as resonant as the lesson of the preciousness of time, and the fleetingness of childhood.
In the twinkling of an eye, that sweet infant you cradled in your arms, that tiny treasure who brought you to secret tears on the first day of kindergarten, is now on the brink of adolescence. And the odds are pretty good that you’re entering this new phase of your child’s life with no small measure of trepidation.
After all, tales of the terrible teen years are legendary and not a little terrifying. But your child’s transition from child to teenager doesn’t have to be a horror show. It is more than possible to usher your child into adulthood with both your relationship and your sanity intact.
Don’t Believe The Hype
Stories of teenage angst make for high drama and nostalgic entertainment, but your child isn’t a character in a Hollywood movie or Netflix series. So don’t let the script writers and novelists skew your image of reality; no one knows your child better than you do. Your understanding of your child is what will guide you best as you prepare for this next phase of your child’s development.
Simply put: don’t panic. You’ve gotten them this far. You’ve loved and guided them through the many milestones of childhood. There’s no reason to expect that the transition to adolescence and then to adulthood will be any different.
Avoid Complacency
You mustn’t fall for the melodrama or buy into the myth that all children suddenly morph into unrecognizable, hormone-addled monsters the second they hit the age of 13. But that doesn’t mean you should be complacent either.
No, your child may not act out in overt and alarming ways, but that doesn’t mean you can assume they’re not going through something. Adolescence is, inevitably, a period of profound transition for even the most well-adjusted child, and that is likely to require you to strike a fine balance in your parenting approach.
The level of care your new teenager needs will likely vary widely based not only on your children’s individual temperament but also, quite simply, on the circumstances. One day they may need a bit more attention and intervention, seeking the comfort of a hot breakfast or your reassuring words. On the next day, they may want nothing more than to be left alone to attend to their own needs and to figure out life’s perplexities for themselves.
The key, ultimately, is to let those finely-tuned parenting instincts guide you. Listen to your child and watch them. Whether in word or deed, they are likely to telegraph what they need from you at any given moment.
Recognize the Signs
While it’s essential to give your child the space they need when they need it, it’s also important to appreciate how very different adolescence is today. The advent of social media, for example, has engendered both incalculable benefits and untold risks.
Today’s teenagers experience depression and engage in self-harming behaviors at a much higher rate than previous generations. Even those who have not crossed the threshold into clinical depression are still likely to experience significant stress deriving from a range of sources.
From rising academic and athletic standards to the unremitting pressures of social media, teenagers today rarely experience true downtime. They often feel compelled to “perform” at an optimal level, whether they’re in the classroom, on the playing field, or online. That stress, over time, can wreak havoc on their emotional, mental, and physical well-being.
Consistently elevated stress levels can dramatically interfere with hormonal functioning, exacerbating the physiological challenges that teenagers face as their bodies reach maturity. For this reason, being proactive with your new teenager’s physical and mental health is critical. Inviting your child to play a game of pickup basketball or to join you on a brisk morning run is an ideal way to help them keep physically active while working off their stress. Modeling self-care techniques, from meditating to journaling to getting quality sleep, can inspire your child to adopt such practices in their own life.
Above all, cultivating an open dialogue about mental health, including sharing your own experiences and challenges, enables you to support and protect your child through this stage.
The Takeaway
The teen years are the stuff of legend. For decades, they’ve provided rich material for books, films, and television series. The myth of the angry and angst-ridden adolescent can have parents of pre-teens and new teenagers quaking in their boots. The good news, though, is that the transition from child to teen to adult doesn’t have to be traumatic. With love, time, and attention, the teen years can be memorable for all the right reasons.
