Writing about this is some kind of therapy for me, because I don’t feel like I can talk about this to many people…if anyone. I’ve got friends with kids and I’ve got friends who don’t have kids. The latter party certainly can’t understand but of all of my friends with kids, very few my age have just 1 child. If they do, they talk about adding to their families sooner rather than later. Can I be honest? I don’t know if I want more children. This is a scary declaration to make because I don’t want my daughter to be the only child. I have visions of her growing up and enjoying life and experiences with her sibling(s). Part of me doesn’t feel like we are done growing this family but then there’s another part of me that is terrified about having another child.
The reasons may seem trivial, selfish even. While many mothers see more children as added little blessings that bring light into their lives, my first thought of adding another child to our family is “Sheesh…how can we afford it?” Following that is a slew of fears like not being able to sleep again, potentially going through another painful pregnancy, fighting to lose weight and then finding time to work out and then wondering how my passions will be affected by another little being. I don’t want to feel this way. I want to be the mom that can drop everything to raise her kids. But I’ve tried that and I’m not that mom. I am me first and then a mother. Motherhood does not define me and I’ve worked hard to feel comfortable about being a working mom and a hands-on mom. It took 2 years but I’m in a rhythm and a groove and I feel good. Yet, I feel this pressure. If we do add more children, I never wanted the age gap to be too close nor did I want to stretch it out to 5+ years. But here I am with a 2-year old and no desire for another baby. I’ve held newborns and felt no pangs of envy or lust. How is this even possible? I don’t miss the newborn stage. My husband feels the same way.
Could it be that we’re destined to be a family of 3? Will I feel sad about this down the line? These questions swarm my head space more than I’d like it too and really they’re rhetorical questions but I’m wondering if other parents go through these thoughts. Am I seriously too selfish to once again give up my body, time and passions for raising another child?
Aw honey there is nothing wrong with only having one child. We are a family of 3 and find it to be magically. you have to do what feels right for you and your family. I am giving you a link to a blog post written by an amazing woman that I think will be a comfort to you. I hope you enjoy it and that you are able to find peace in whatever decision you make https://thelilmamas.com/guest-blogger-scarlett-three-its-a-magic-number/
Thank you so much for sharing this. I feel like I wrote it!
If you are happy with the things as they are for now, go with it. There may be a time when it does feel right. You will know.
Many parents are happy with one, two or more than two kids! I don’t think there is a right amount. It’s up to you!
To each their own! I don’t think anyone should ever feel pressured to have a certain number of kids, or even kids in general. It’s not for everyone! The only right number is whatever is right in your hearts!
I am pregnant with my fourth! I would say, whatever works for you.
Your feelings are totally normal! Everyone is different. Whatever “number” you choose is fine.
I thought for a long time that we’d be a family of 3, but we did end up with another baby just before I gave up. I would have been ok either way, I think. I was an only child for 10 years before my brother was born, and I think it definitely has its perks!
I think every woman is different and that is your preference. We have 5 kids and I would love to have a 6th. There are times were I do miss only having the one which is my oldest but I wouldn’t trade it in for the world. I love being a mom with lots of blessings.
It’s a personal choice. I grew up as an only child. I had a half brother but he didn’t live with us. I have very fond, happy childhood memories. 🙂
I would definitely say it’s all about what you want. Some people are perfectly happy with one child .. while other a perfectly happy with multiples. Enjoy your blessing and give her the best life possible