They say people go through seasons in life. To me, there are three distinct seasons: the really good, the really bad and the somewhere in between. Last year teetered in between ‘the really bad’ and ‘the somewhere in between’.
I have started and erased this blog post multiple times. I have gone over this in my head and each time I have told myself “No one wants to hear about your bad year. No one wants to know about your season in life.” But here we are; it’s the beginning of a new year and I’m telling you about my season.
Towards the end of 2016 I had a baby. I went on maternity leave for three months. Unfortunately our financial situation did not allow me to be a stay-at-home-mom, so back to work I went. I love my job. I love the people I work for and with. But just in case you didn’t know, having a baby changes everything. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.
On top of having a new born baby, somewhere in between all that life kept going. Bills kept coming in, families wanted to visit, friends wanted to visit, I wanted my life to kind of be the same as before and I thought I could manage my time like I did before. Shortly after I went back to work I felt like my life was falling apart. How was that even possible?! I had a beautiful, healthy baby girl, I had a supportive and loving husband, but there I was crying myself to sleep many nights. I would hide in the bathroom for a small piece of alone time. I felt like I was suffocating in this new life and no one could help me.
No one could help me because I didn’t want help. I felt so lonely even though I was far from alone.
One particular day my husband noticed that I was extra “on edge”. He asked me “What can I do to help you?” My response was short and not so sweet. “Nothing. You can’t do anything to help me.” I was so wrong on so many levels for that. I was pushing him away for no reason at all. I refused his help because I wanted to do it all. Instead of being a partner in the marriage, I was creating unnecessary distance.
I look back now on 2017 and think “THANK GOODNESS I MADE IT THROUGH! That was a tough one.” I’d love to sit here and tell you that this season is over and that we’ve made it through to the other side, but that would be a lie. We are still in the “somewhere in between” phase and I’m okay with that. Money is tighter than before, work is busier than ever and life is not how it used to be, and I’m learning to love it and appreciate it.
Here is a list of a few things that helped me make it to this point, take it or leave it {or add to it!}
1. Find your person and hold onto them tight.
For me that person was my husband. Once I realized I was pushing him away, I had to make changes to let him know that he is important and that I needed him more than ever. We have a rule in our marriage: Only one person is allowed to freak out at a time and that person is usually me so…
2. Ask for help.
I can’t say this one enough. Don’t be too proud to ask for help. Ask for an hour or two away from the baby. Ask for someone to help with the kids so that you can go grocery shopping in peace. Trust me…I get it and no one will judge you for it.
3. Cry it out.
Sometimes we are so busy we don’t have time for our own emotions. We aren’t just moms, wives, friends. We are people too. It’s okay to be happy, it’s okay to be sad and it’s okay to just ‘be’.
4. Turn up the music.
When all else fails and you’re just having a really bad day, turn on the music, crank it up and sing your little heart out. Worry about everything tomorrow because your season may not be over yet and that’s okay.
No one wants to tell people that they feel like their life is falling apart. No one wants to air their dirty laundry or make themselves out to be a basket case or make themselves look anything less than perfect. But if we don’t talk about it, that’s when the feeling of loneliness kicks in. You start to feel like no one will ever understand you.
For those going through seasons, I feel you, I see you, let’s be best friends.
Yes! I completely shut down in December, when my little guy was about 3 months old, and went into a sort of auto-pilot mode. I was mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted, and I couldn’t understand how life outside of the house could continue while I was trying to adjust to a newborn. I tuned out of life and put all of my remaining energy into making sure the baby was fed and basic needs were met – but there was no laughing, no crying, no real anything. It got to the point where my husband asked what was going on, because I wasn’t the same person I’d been a few months earlier. I’m relieved to know that I wasn’t the only one trying to make it through 2017!