Imagine for a moment that you are the trusted confidant of a dear friend or a beloved family member. And they were so entrenched in negative self-talk. How would you respond if they shared their doubts and fears with you? Chances are, you would listen attentively, offer empathetic support, and guide them toward a more positive perspective. You would illuminate their strengths, provide alternative viewpoints, and remind them not to be too hard on themselves. But what if you could extend this same level of support and encouragement to yourself?
In the journey towards personal growth and self-improvement, the role of self-compassion should take center stage.
The following is an excerpt from I’ll Start Again Tomorrow: And Other Lies I’ve Told Myself by Sonia Jhas:
One of the most valuable practices you can do for yourself when working toward
shifting your perspective and becoming your own cheerleader is operate with
compassion.
Imagine you’re engaging with a close friend or maybe even your child, niece, or
nephew; think of someone you’d want to really nurture and support. How would you
speak to them if they were sharing their negative thoughts and fears with you? What
would you say to guide them through the situation? I bet you’d listen attentively,
empathize, and try to show them the way forward with genuine support. You’d shine a
light on all the good they bring to the table, you’d offer them different perspectives to
show them the right path, and you’d remind them not to be too hard on themselves.
How would your life change if you were your own biggest fan?
How would it change the way you talk to yourself?
The choices you make?
The way you walk in the world?
I know, this advice sounds a little fluffy, like a bit of self-help bologna. But one of the most important things I’ve learned throughout my life is this: you are the one constant in your life, and when you can show up for yourself (without being an asshole to yourself), your life gets a whole lot better. All the harsh self-talk is not only exhausting to listen to all day long but also really ineffective in getting us the results we want. It often sets us back exponentially.
I used to be an incredibly harsh frenemy to myself. For years, my daily dialogue looked something like this: “Don’t get your hopes up; you’ll probably never look the way you want to. It’s just unrealistic, given your genetically thick arms and flat butt. Keep trying, sure, but you won’t be happy until you look the way you want to — and that’s probably not going to happen.”
My inner dialogue was so destructive because I feared being average, although I criticized myself daily for being nothing special. I desperately wanted to prove my worth to my loved ones and the world, although the voice in my head told me I would never shine in their eyes. I craved success and validation to feel good enough, and even when I was met with success, it never felt fulfilling or big enough. I deeply wanted to feel beautiful, although I quietly called myself ugly and picked apart all the tiny flaws I saw.
I feel sorry for that version of who I was. It hurts me to think I wasted so much of my life hating myself when instead I could have been using all that energy to build up my self-esteem and self-worth. But looking back on my old dialogues also makes me feel thankful for how far I’ve come and shows me that it has been an incredible journey of learning and growing.
Today my inner dialogue looks drastically different.
Fighting negative self-talk: Taking back control
A few months ago, when I felt exhausted, overwhelmed, and uninspired for so many reasons, I felt a strong pull to take a break from social media. Oddly enough, this is often considered a giant risk when you’re supposedly an influencer. Where did this desire come from? When I took the time to unpack it, I realized that I was back in the cycle of limiting beliefs. “You’re not good enough. Your content is shittier than other influencers. People say they want authenticity, but they want perfect people and you’re anything but perfect.”
The voice went on and on. But instead of succumbing to it, I stepped up with care and compassion and tried to use what I had learned over the years: talk to yourself like you would talk to your best friend.
I evaluated my feelings without judgment: I felt misaligned. I felt burnt out. I felt like shutting down. The way that I had been showing up online wasn’t working for me anymore.
I took the time to understand my needs: I needed to take a step back to reconnect and nurture myself and focus on wellness and health. I needed a break from the hamster wheel of online performance. I needed a shift in priorities to cultivate better long-term balance.
I took action without hesitation: I gave myself a much-needed hiatus from social media and felt a sense of calm, knowing that I had approached myself with understanding, compassion, and respect. I felt inspired and empowered, and when I resurfaced on social media, I felt like I was back in the driver’s seat of my life, both online and offline.
Are you ready to shift the way you speak to yourself and fight against negative self-talk?
– Sonia Jhas has made it her mission to help people live their best lives through online talks, speaking engagements, television appearances, and coaching. She has accumulated an impressive 80+ million media impressions and continues to spread inspiration all over the globe including appearances on Breakfast Television, Global News, CHCH-TV and more. The TEDx speaker and award-winning mindset and wellness expert’s enthusiasm, sense of humor, and openness about her own journey have earned her a reputation as an unstoppable force in the wellness arena. Sonia is fired up by her mission to help people marry healthy living with a life lived well. Her special brand of inspiration involves tried-and-true techniques that crush negative self-talk so that you can make wellness changes that actually last. She is the author of I’ll Start Again Tomorrow: And Other Lies I’ve Told Myself.
