I am in love with my second chance at motherhood. That is why I am sharing another blog post that includes my motherhood journey, God and faith.
Divorce is often a taboo and naughty word that no one really seems to talk about much. It is a word that sparks a deep emotional response….and trust me I get it. But we should feel at peace talking about BIG moments in our lives that have shaped us as humans.
My divorce was a HUGE lesson on life, love, parenting and faith.
Without that lesson, I doubt I would have ever entered onto the path that I found following the darkest days of my life and I would have never connected with my true love (my second chance- my husband).
God had a bigger plan for me. God chose me to be the mother to my first two children and in order for me to get to my 3rd and 4th children, divorce was just a part of my journey.
My first marriage, was “The Lesson”. It was a lesson on life, love, parenting and faith and it led my to my second marriage and second chance at motherhood.
About four years after The Lesson, I was reconnected with a childhood friend’s brother. We hit it off. He was magical. So smart, articulate and successful. He was devilishly handsome with blue eyes that could pierce your soul. I was head over heels, and fast. We became inseparable. But, I was very cautious about the future of this. With The Lesson still feeling fresh and all of the anger that I was still holding on to, I was clear on my expectations.
We were older (27 and 30), established in our careers, and we both knew what we wanted out of life and our relationship. We agreed that if we were going to be together that it would be for life. {I selfishly wanted this because I never want to go through a divorce again and I never want to put my 2 children through any additional emotional struggle like that. And God forbid we have children, I would never want to put them through that either.}
With no hesitation, he agreed.
For life. We were in this for life. So, we got married.
My second marriage, which I will lovingly refer to as “The Journey”, was low key. Our wedding was just us….and the few people at the courthouse that cheered for us (that is a whole separate post!)
It so depicted us. Easy. The Journey was effortless…natural, full of love and laughter.
God blessed me with a second chance and I was not about to blow it.
A few years later, we were so excited to welcome our first child together. After a year of trying, our little angel was finally a reality. I was so scared because the older kids were 8 and 10 years old now. We had a huge age gap. I wondered how I could share myself with all of them. How I could meet the demands of such a diverse age group. But I had faith that I was right where I needed to be and right where I was supposed to be. I was getting a second chance at motherhood. A second chance to get it right. A second chance to be all that I was not the first go round.
As The Journey continued, The Lesson started to creep up and cause conflict and turmoil in our lives. I never accepted the lesson on forgiveness and all these years later, on The Journey, with a new child, I began to realize the power of forgiveness. But it was only because never closing that chapter was now a constant reminder and in my face on a regular basis. God works in mysterious ways and The Lesson wreaking havoc on our lives was all just a part of my journey. I did not realize or accept this until recently.
At one point, my two older children went to live with their dad. (Obviously I am skipping over the traumatic details of our divorce and custody arrangements. For the record, it was no walk in the park. But I will spare you the details.) He needed his time. He needed to parent them. He wanted his turn. As much as I did not want this to happen, God did and it took me four years to accept that this was a part of my motherhood journey. That there was a bigger plan for my children. They were resilient, understanding, empathetic, adaptable human beings. They experienced so much and I firmly believe that they will enter the world of adulthood more prepared than most kids.
Without forgiving The Lesson, that chapter in my life was still open and the healing never took place. There was a crack and God was creeping into that crack trying to help me heal and move on. Trying to help ALL of us heal and move on. It wasn’t until 12 years after my split from The Lesson that I finally GOT IT. I finally accepted everything that it was for face value. That this, THIS was a part of my journey. This was my journey. (I was WELL into my 2nd marriage when this healing finally started to take place. I recommend dealing with your past before diving into your future, just sayin. It’ll be even sweeter.)
When my fourth child’s second birthday was approaching, I realized that we are ALL where we are supposed to be. We ALL have learned lessons from this experience. We ALL have grown.
-
I was given the chance to start over.
-
A chance to have a relationship based on love and faith.
-
A chance to have more children and walk through motherhood with a partner.
-
A chance to be able to fall in love with motherhood.
-
A chance to enjoy motherhood, not just survive it.
My second chance at motherhood has been a delight. (Again, not glossing over the realities of motherhood. Some of it sucks. I want to be left alone some days. Kids are gross. How many more times can you say mom in 5 minutes?! Trust me, not glossing over. Just being real with my emotions and leaving out the specifics.)
I have been able to spend so much quality time with my two younger children, while still being able to enjoy the young adults that my older children are becoming. I have a relationship with my two older children that means so much to me. They are a part of me “growing up”. They saved me.
They helped me see the bigger picture of life…the meaning of my life. They were the constants in my life during my deepest, darkest hours. They were by my side as I stepped into my purpose. They are my children and my friends. I love our conversations because I learn from them. I love our arguments because I grow from them. I love their opinions and their perspectives. They are pretty awesome humans for being teenagers (HAHA).
My younger children have a part of me that my older children did not.
They have a more calm and compassionate mother. They have a seasoned mother with experience. They have a mother with a passion and a flare for life on a deep and intentional level.
They have a mother who’s foundation of faith can not be moved.
They have a father that is there everyday. They have a father that holds them and loves on them daily. They have a father that provides. That have a father that loves their mother and their siblings unconditionally.
They are also blessed to have two older siblings that love them, that take care of them, that teach them, that guide them, that encourage them, that praise them.
I am so in love with my second chance at motherhood.
Even on the hard days and the sleepless nights. Even through the arguing, the spills, the broken things, the endless laundry and mountain of dishes….I am in love with my second chance at motherhood. Even on the not so bright moments in our marriage, the times that we question what the hell we are doing and why the hell we are doing it, the days that I just wish I was alone, the what if’s and why’s and the few times of uncertainty, I am so in love with my second chance at motherhood.
It helps that I am in love with my husband. (And I really should tell him more.)
- A man that I do not thank enough.
- A man that I do not tell how much I love him enough.
- A man that I respect so deeply.
- A man that is second to none.
- A husband that provides.
- A husband that loves unconditionally.
- A husband that supports my crazy ideas.
- A husband that allows me to follow my passions.
- A husband that is also my best friend.
I am so in love with my second chance at motherhood and it is all because of my husband, my two older children and my reconnection to my faith.
So for all the mommas on their second chance at motherhood, embrace it, learn from it, love it and appreciate the second chance.
