Last week I cried myself out of TODDLER STORY TIME.
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That’s right folks, I thought my days of crying in a library were left back in college, but here I was, flushing scarlet in the middle of the library – hot tears streaming down my cheeks. I grabbed some kid’s elephant paci from the tight clutches of my daughter’s clammy hands & made a B-line for the exit door.
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NO ONE warns you that your first toddler story time is probably going to SUCK. Monumentally.
Let’s rewind… shall we? Honestly, I don’t want to rewind, but for your sake, I’m willing to rehash the tale.
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We arrived to Story Time (late) with hopes that our visit would be much like a PBS commercial. I’d gab with new mom friends & stare lovingly at my daughter while she sat, enamored by “The Very Hungry Caterpillar.” Bless my heart. In actuality I sat in the corner while Delilah thrashed & shrieked. I chased her endlessly & huffed. Sweat beaded on my upper lip. Then music started & we didn’t know any of the songs or hand movements that every other family in the room was WELL choreographed in. I felt the burn of disapproving eyes on my back & I wished desperately that I’d worn stretchier pants. By the time we finished free play, Delilah had stolen nearly every paci and destroyed every single LEGO tower, I think, for the simple pleasure of watching horror & defeat overcome her fellow toddler’s eyes.
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I was sure I’d failed my kid that morning. But after some thought & half a Dunkin Donut cream filled, I realized I’d expected WAY too much from her… and cared deeply about the other mom’s suspected opinions of MY parenting. As my social confidence plummeted, my patience weakened, and kids are SMART! My daughter felt that pressure & she responded with massive defiance. I don’t BLAME HER. I expected a confident & energetic 21 month old to know how to do something she’d never experienced. I let embarrassment & comparison take over, when a bit of learning & socialization was our real goal.
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So we will be back at Toddler Story Time this week & we will take baby steps. I will remember that stares don’t dictate our experience & better yet- the stares may have never been stares of judgement in the first place.
