How does it always go back to the age-old saying, “Hindsight is always 20/20?” As I continue to navigate motherhood with a teenage daughter, I reflect on what my parenting looked like in her younger years. Looking at my friends and family with little ones now, I find myself giving far better advice than I gave myself a decade ago.
Society has changed (for the good and the bad). School, work, and family expectations have shifted post-pandemic, and all these factors have had an effect on parenting. One of the biggest drivers of this shift is social media and our outward image. We’re inundated with images of perfect families and the ideal look of motherhood, and anyone not living up to this standard must be failing. It’s too much, all-encompassing, and constantly in our faces. How can you expect to stray from this norm and feel content? But I’m here to tell you it’s ok to be the mom you want to be and to build your motherhood journey around what your family needs.
Motherhood and social media pressure
Although social media is a constant now, I’m forever thankful that I didn’t even own an iPhone when my daughter was born! I had a Facebook Account and even a forgotten Myspace account, but nothing else. I had to consciously upload pictures to a desktop and post them to my profile for my fellow millennial friends and a few older family members, trying to keep up with technology. In those most vulnerable post-partum months, I wasn’t seeing an hour-by-hour play-by-play of what other moms or friends who weren’t moms were doing. Motherhood and social media pressure wasn’t a thing! Fast forward 14 years and a large part of my job revolves around social media management; go figure.
Is this shift negative? I’d have to say yes and no. Do I compare my posts about family, vacations, and job responsibilities to the next post on my feed? Of course, I have also tried hard not to “Keep up with the Joneses.” It’s only human nature to compare yourself and your situation to others. The issue arises when you’re struggling, and by viewing these posts, your mental status is affected. That’s when you start believing that to be a better mom, you must “do these things.”
However, the positive aspect of sharing on social media is being able to see what my friends and family are up to. I’ve often gained a good resource or recommendation based on a friend’s post. I’ve contributed a helpful resource or two. This exchange of information has allowed me to feel more connected at times when I really needed it.
My takeaway is to find the fine line between what you feel comfortable sharing about yourself and your family and what you feel comfortable sharing about others. Despite what friends, family, and society tell us, there’s no right or wrong answer to what you share. Be the Social Media Mom you want to be!
DIY vs. store bought
Whether it be a birthday, holiday, or spirit day approaching, every mom pauses when this revelation is made. Will you go all out or keep it simple? Will you craft, bake, or create something for this event or visit your go-to retailer? Will you wear the theme outfits for the entire family, or what do you want? Although these decisions can be overwhelming, the best news is there is no wrong answer. You’re not a bad mom if you stuff your Amazon cart with a few decorations, pick up store-bought cupcakes, and let your kids pick their outfits. On the flip side, you’re not an over-the-top mom if you enjoy creating every aspect of the event.
I’ve been on both sides of this dilemma and never regretted my decision. Have I hosted parties in my backyard with homemade food, décor, and loot bags? Yes! Have I also just shown up at the skating rink with a cake in my hand and enjoyed 2 hours of not having to host a party? Also, yes!
I like to consider my era of early parenting as part of the foundation of the Pinterest phenomenon. I had a board for every occasion, season, and reason. I hosted epic Pinterest Parties (which I would LOVE to do again). I own a Cricut, a sewing machine, and cabinets full of crafting supplies. Pinterest was my kingdom. I enjoyed (and still occasionally enjoy) crafting for events. But there have also been times when I was overworked, overwhelmed, and had zero energy to contribute to such efforts. It took some time to convince myself that the best choice was to do what I was happy with and capable of at that moment.
In the end, if you ask my daughter, each party and event was equally memorable, and that’s all that matters. Be the Event-Planning Mom you want to be!
Volunteer mom
School is fully back in session, as are the school’s requests for volunteers and donations. How much is too much? That can only be answered by you!
This is another area where I have run the gamut. I have been room mom and PTA secretary, organized the school’s 5K, chaperoned every field trip imaginable, presented at Teach-In, and had hundreds of other odd jobs. However, I have also been so burnt out from volunteering that I have refused to attend PTA meetings for years.
Overall, I do volunteer a lot. Maybe it’s because I only have one daughter, and I know each experience she has will only happen once in our family. But I want to experience as much of these as possible because those 12+ years of schooling quickly escape us.
I am immensely grateful that I have a flexible job that allows me to be present for so many of my daughter’s accomplishments and experiences. I know many moms who would like the same opportunity, but job limitations prevent it.
Other moms love their children but would not want to be responsible for other children, which is completely valid. Regardless of age, chaperoning some of these trips left me a little on edge every time. Luckily, I have been a dance teacher for 25 years, so herding children comes naturally to me.
These 12+ years seem like a long time when you’re in the moment, but trust me; they go by fast. You can shape the time you have during these years. Whether you enjoy being involved in all the action, or you prefer to sit on the sidelines, or somewhere in between, create the right mix for your child, your family, and you. Be the level of Volunteer Mom you want to be!
Day in and day out, we hear in the news, see on the internet, and discuss in conversation how we, as moms, should be. What’s too much, what’s too little? When you listen to all that information, you have conflicting messages. The only message that rings true, and the only one I wish someone had told me 15 years ago, is to BE THE MOM YOU WANT TO BE. Find your style in every aspect of parenting, experiment with it, and then embrace it. Will you falter? But adjust and stay true to what makes you feel the most comfortable. In the end, you only have one go at this motherhood thing. You got this, Mama!
