My Personal Opinions On Dining Out With Young Children

I usually shy away from blogging about controversial “hot button” issues like religion, politics, and taking small children to restaurants.  So I’m writing outside my comfort zone today after recently stumbling across a blog post that caught fire in mere minutes about a restaurant experience with a toddler. Without plagiarizing the post, a manager at a “family friendly” restaurant asked that a toddler quiet down.  Reading the replies, it quickly became apparent that most people have very strong opinions about what the phrase “family friendly” restaurant means, under what circumstances (if ever) it is acceptable for other patrons or restaurant management to comment negatively on a child’s behavior, and on how they would react if they were asked in a restaurant to quiet or calm down their child.

I was truly astounded at the number of visceral replies to the post, particularly given that it contained the barest details about the situation.  Generally, replies fell into one of three categories; moms were (1) completely outraged for the poster, going so far as to suggest an organized boycott or a toddler sit-in, (2) unable to relate because their children are always well-behaved, or (3) reasoned, able to see both sides, recognizing that receiving critical comments is a risk you take when dining out with young children.

Full disclosure, I’m a rule follower.  I’m usually very aware of my surroundings, conscious of where my space ends and yours begins, and I have an extremely low tolerance for people who aren’t. I find it rude when people behind me in line start unloading their groceries on the conveyor belt before I’ve finished unloading my cart.  People who feel the need to audibly narrate a movie in a theater make me want to scream.  Ditto people who don’t notice a line of people waiting. “Oh, I’m sorry — is this the line for the restroom?”  “Yes it is,” I may reply, but I’m thinking, “No you self-absorbed idiot, we’re just standing here waiting for you to arrive.” Don’t even get me started on people who can’t put their cell phone down long enough to place an order or check out.  I’d probably last an hour as a cashier after saying to customers, “Don’t worry, I’ll wait for you to finish your important call before checking you out.”

So it’s probably not surprising that, in my opinion, just because a restaurant offers high chairs or booster seats doesn’t mean “anything goes” where kid behavior is concerned. I fall solidly in the number three group on my list above – the reasoned, able to see both sides person who recognizes that a risk of dining out with kids is facing disapproving looks, eye rolls, or requests to control your children.  Before you think that I must be the mom of a perfectly behaved singleton and can’t possibly get it; I’m not. I have active, animated twin girls, and dining out with them as toddlers was challenging to say the least.

Successfully navigating most public social situations (including any restaurant without a play area) with small children in tow requires flexibility, awareness, manners, and understanding.  Here are some tips on how on to survive and possibly enjoy the experience, along with my personal commentary on what not to do.

• Be prepared and think ahead.  Bring lots of thing to occupy your child while you wait, like color pages, note pads, crayons, books, small toys, and electronics if you allow them. Most “mom bags” contain all these things already. Bring snacks.  Check out the menu on-line before you arrive and order your child’s meal the minute your waiter appears to take drink orders.

• Let your child know expected behavior and consequences for misbehavior before you walk into the restaurant.  If you do this consistently, eventually it will sink in.

• Try to avoid being seated next to other diners who don’t appear to be child friendly. Don’t be shy about asking for a different table.  Sure, you have every right to sit wherever you want, but won’t it be easier to enjoy your meal if you aren’t avoiding the reproachful looks from the diners at the next table?

• Take a restless or fussy child outside for a walk the minute she get restless or fussy. Don’t wait for her blood-curdling scream to signal that it might be time for a change of scenery.  Sometimes all your child needs is a few minutes to burn some energy or explore the surroundings.  It’s not easy for little ones to sit at the table for any length of time.

• Be realistic and don’t expect a relaxed or uninterrupted meal. Small children aren’t wired to enjoy the dining experience.  They want to eat (maybe) and move on to the next thing. If you can’t finish a sentence or a thought over dinner at home, it’s only going to be worse at a restaurant where there are all sorts of new things to touch and explore.

• Being a parent requires many sacrifices, including limiting where and when you dine with little ones.  If you want a quiet, uninterrupted meal at a nice restaurant, get a sitter for the kids.  While it’s true that in order to learn to behave at restaurants, children have to actually go to restaurants, as a parent it’s your job to set them up for success. Don’t select a quiet restaurant and avoid making dinner plans that will last past your child’s bedtime.

• Please don’t be THOSE parents – the ones, who when asked to stop their child from wildly running through the restaurant bumping into patrons and servers, declare loudly that they are paying for their meal just like everyone else.  Ugh.  Just ugh.

• Recognize that not everyone finds your child adorable.  It may be cute the first time your precious stands up in the booth and stares at the couple on the other side. But that sort of interruption gets very old very fast when he starts running up and down the booth seat, engaging the other diners in an unsolicited game of peak-a-boo.

• I have never understood how any parents enjoy their meal while their children are literally running around a restaurant, but I guess there is something to be said for alone time no matter how you get it. But please don’t be those parents – the only two people in the restaurant not noticing what their children are doing.

• Respond politely to the manager if he or she asks you to quiet your child. Balancing the needs of all the restaurant’s patrons is not easy.  Odds are that this is not the manager’s favorite part of his job and he’s likely uncomfortable addressing the situation with you.  A little understanding goes a long way.

It all boils down to respect – for the other restaurant patrons, for your dining companions, and for your child.  Yes, your child.  Most small children would rather be at home than at a restaurant having to sit still, endlessly wait for food, and use their inside voices.  Assuming they have inside voices.  😉