Notes to Self as I Turn Forty

I turned 40 yesterday. I’ll be honest. I’m not sure how I feel about this giant leap into middle age. But I know how I’d like to feel.

I’d like to be great with aging. I’d like to believe it only gets better. I’d like to embrace each wrinkle and ache and pain with wisdom.

I’d like to feel free from wondering what people think.

Maybe these are things I’ll always struggle with. Maybe not. In all of my forty-philosophizing, I’ve created a list of goals—ideals. A stack of sticky-notes to post on the walls of my ADHD brain. Words to encourage as I enter this next phase of life.

So here are my Notes to Self as I turn forty…And if you find yourself nodding along, feel free to scribble them across the spaces of your own heart and mind.

Dear Self,

1. Buy eye cream.

   The kind that you spend a fortune on but fail to ever use because you were just going to lay down for a second when suddenly it’s morning. Or don’t buy the eye cream and buy a massage instead. Smooth skin is overrated anyway.

2. Sign up for a race.

   You might be more motivated to train for it if you paid for it. Possibly. In another lifetime. Okay. Who are you kidding? Sign up for the Cheese of the Month Club and be done with it.

3. Get more sleep.

   But know your pre-menopausal state will probably prevent sleep. So there’s no winning in the end even though you’ve lost over a decade of sleep because kids. Okay…Instead, resign self to knowing you will never not be tired.

4. Cook only healthy meals for your family.

   Or just buy stock in frozen pizza company because unreal expectations are the bane of your existence.

5. Appreciate your ADHD for what it is—

   —a different way to see this kaleidoscope-of-color world.

6. Refuse to acknowledge forty is a mere ten years away from fifty.

   I mean REFUSE to think about it, or you will be ruined. Just ruined.

7. Be real. Authentic. Transparent. Be you.

8. Do the best you can do with what you have, call it a day, and reject any inclining of guilt.

9. Know it’s okay to count your truest friends on one hand.

   This is a game-changer.

10. Admit your imperfections are beautiful.

    It’s what you tell your students all the time. Start believing it yourself.

11. Read literature more than your newsfeed.

    This will feed your soul.

12. Throw-out those clothes you’ve been holding on to for the last fifteen years because “one day you’ll fit in them again.”

    They’re out of style and holding you back.

13. Keep the pajamas with holes in them—the soft ones fraying around the edges.

    Keep them even when your Prince rolls his eyes. Keep them because you can.

14. Embrace the mirror.

    Look deeply into the wrinkles and give each a tender memory. Then they won’t be there to remind you of your age, but of the real life you’ve led.

15. Walk barefoot in the grass.

    Feel the coolness between your toes, and remind yourself children aren’t the only ones who can live a few moments without a care in the world.

16. Realize romance isn’t a dozen red roses on an anniversary.

    Romance is standing together to wash the dishes and raise the children. Romance is strong coffee with cream, no sugar each morning. Romance is loving because of the differences—not in spite of.

17. Sneak in and kiss your sleeping children one more time before you close your eyes.

    And when your six-year old boy wants to crawl in your bed at 6:00 a.m., let him. You only have so many summers left before your babies are grown.

18. Learn something new. Every day.

19. Discover beauty in the broken.

    Then you will uncover the beauty in yourself.

20. Follow God with wild abandon.

With Love and Hope,

The You you want to be…