Pregnancy.
It is truly the best of times and the worst of times for some women. Pregnancy can be downright miserable – especially if you spent it like me and had a good 4 months of puking in a toilet so frequently that you named the rust stains around the toilet bowl. It’s a pretty sad existence and only women who have gone through it can relate.
The reality is, pregnancy affects everyone so differently. While your gal pal never once dealt with migraines, morning sickness and severe back pain, you may be dealing with all of that on top of constipation and strange rashes that crawl up from your chest to your neck. You’re a miserable preggo and guess what, girl? That’s okay. Okay, no…it’s NOT okay but not being the happy-go-lucky pregnant woman that people may want you to be is okay. Your experience is unique. You own it. You should never feel ashamed or feel guilty for complaining. We all know how much you love your baby and how you can’t wait for their arrival. You feel blessed and honored. You may very well realize that many women aren’t granted this opportunity but that doesn’t take away from the crippling feeling you get every time you puke water. It’s tough.
But what’s worse than being 9 weeks pregnant and puking water? The loneliness that you feel going through it. The guilt and shame that wash over you every time someone says, “How are you feeling?” You respond with, “Oh! I’m good.” What you really want to say is, “I feel terrible. I’m depressed and I want this baby but I really hate how this pregnancy makes me feel.” Can you imagine the looks on peoples’ faces if you actually shared with them how you REALLY felt? They aren’t ready for a response like that so the safe “I’m great, thanks.” is all you can ever muster out.
Instead, like me, you may suffer in silence. Your partner may know how you feel but the outside world has no clue that you are physically, emotionally and mentally defeated. You are growing a human being but it is taking up so much of you that you almost feel regretful. And then you feel guilty for feeling regretful. During a time when people think you should be frockling in a field of flowers, you just want to cover yourself and hide away for 9 months.
I’ve been there, girl. Pregnancy has never been a walk in the park for me and I can only admit this as I reach the end of one. It’s a beautiful time, yes, but it is also a very difficult time for myself and my husband as he supports me the best way he can during those tough months. It’s not fun and I don’t feel bad for admitting this.
Lots of love to my fellow women who have gone through or are currently going through difficult pregnancies. May you all find strength, peace and acceptance in your journey. And please – don’t punch the next person that recommends ginger for nausea.
