Release

{{Our team was inspired by one of our fellow contributor’s posts, “No More New Year’s Resolutions – Just Choose One Word”, so we decided to share our selected words and the reasoning behind them in a series called “My Word Is…”. Follow along as we share our stories, and then update on where our words have taken us at the end of the year.}}

As a mother, I consider myself a duck, gliding effortless over the water, serene and completely unaffected, but underneath I’m paddling like hell! So, while on the outside I seem to wade through the muck of motherhood with grace and calm, sometimes being referred to as “Supermom,” inside I’m thinking, “More like Super Bomb!”

I realized last year that all the paddling was taking its toll. It was as if I was on autopilot, going through the motions to keep everything afloat and everyone happy; everyone that is, but me. Apparently somewhere along the way I got caught in the weeds and autopilot failed. It was up to me to find release.

I played dress up and went through the motions but those weeds kept pulling me back and the current kept pounding me. I felt anxious, unbalanced, and sadly, I did not recognize my reflection. When had I stopped grooming my feathers? When had I lost my flock? When had my call been silenced?

When you lose yourself in the process of supporting and pleasing others, you find you’re nothing more than a hollow wooden decoy; a sitting duck. You are painted to look and act the part, but you lack warmth and stability; you are easily knocked around and flying is simply impossible… those weeds keep pulling you down.

And just as my paddling in circles – my choices, my actions – defined me and ultimately led me into the weeds, it is my choices and actions that will set me free, give me release. As I consciously untangle myself I will take care to also chip through the paint and the wood. I will preen my feathers, share my voice and find my flock.

It will take time, patience and many trips back into the weeds. And while I’m quite certain I’ll still be paddling like hell, I’ve no doubt I’ll also feel the joy, the release, of knowing I can fly.