The Custom of Handwritten Thank-You Notes

I was probably eight-years old when I received my first box of personalized note cards. The cards were powder blue with “Elizabeth” printed in white, and I thought that they were quite elegant.  My mother instilled in me the importance of writing thank-you notes, and I’m sure she’s smiling in heaven as I pass that custom on to her granddaughters.

I have embraced the world of instant communication; however for me, a text or an email will never substitute for a handwritten thank-you note. When you see a card or handwritten note with a familiar return address in your stack of mail, what’s the first piece of mail that you open?

I started teaching my daughters to write thank-you notes before they could hold a pencil. When they were babies, I wrote each note, often included a photo of them wearing or playing with the gifts, and their handprints served as their signature.

I’ve tried to keep my demands age appropriate.  After the hand print stage, they would scribble their names on notes and draw hearts, flowers and smiley faces.  When they first learned to write, a simple and awkwardly scrawled, “Dear Mumsy, thank you for the doll,” was perfect.  A few years ago, I bought fill-in-the-blank note cards.  While those may not pass the Emily Post standard, I wanted to make writing thank-you notes as painless as possible so it would eventually become an ingrained skill. And to my surprise, this year I noticed that without prompting from me, the girls were writing more detailed notes. Don’t get me wrong, at ten they aren’t doing this on their own.  I still prompt them with a list, set aside specific note writing time, and make sure we have a few extra note cards in case of mistakes.

I think it was G who asked once why they had to thank a gift giver, assuming the joy of giving her a gift was thanks enough.  I asked her, “When you select a special gift for someone, don’t you want to know that they liked it and appreciated your thoughtfulness?” She begrudgingly agreed.  “And taking the time to write a note, address it, and put it in the mail makes your appreciation more meaningful and personal.”  Yes, I’m sure that convinced her that her time writing thank-you notes was well spent.  However, a far better teacher than my words has been the example of her friends.  I have been happily impressed that in her circle “thank-you notes” for birthday gifts are the norm.  As my daughters gleefully rip open notes addressed to them, I remind them that their notes are received by their friends and family with the same delight.

Yesterday I received a thank-you note from the 10-year-old son of a friend, thanking me for donating to his school’s fundraiser.  Kudos to his mom.