When my son started kindergarten I tried to join the PTA. We were living in California at the time and I dutifully attended the first PTA meeting. I signed up to be a volunteer. I checked the boxes for a handful of roles that I’d be able to help with. I wrote a special note to let them know I build websites for a living so that they could ask me to help them with their site or group emails or other technology endeavors.
As the year progressed I was never contacted by the PTA. They never reached out to me to join a committee or participate in any of the tasks I volunteered for. Eventually I found a way to volunteer at the book fair a few times. Beyond that I just ended up volunteering directly with my son’s teacher. I helped weekly with the computer lab and art classes. I found a way to get involved, but it wasn’t with the PTA.
Then last year we moved to Florida and my son started first grade. A new school, a new opportunity. Once again I attended the PTA orientation meeting and volunteered to be on a handful of committees. I went online and filled out the Orange County Public Schools ADDitions volunteer application and I got the extra TB shot that’s required for Florida school volunteers. I tried to get involved but, once again, nobody ever contacted me. Once again I forced my way into volunteering at the book fair a few times. Beyond that I just helped my son’s teacher directly, as field trip chaperone and with a few classroom parties.
This year I thought I’d try again. Our neighborhood was getting a brand new elementary school which meant a brand new PTA. I immediately signed up to be on the newly formed PTA board. I was hoping to do more and I was hoping it’d be better. I figured joining the PTA board would be my opportunity to get in on the “ground floor.” I wanted to help build a more welcoming group. I wanted to build a PTA that actually reached out to all the parents that volunteered. I wanted to be part of a PTA that listened and acted on what parents said.
I attended the first board meeting and offered up all of my technical talents. I was named the Head of Communications. I was so excited. I went home and built the news school’s PTA Website the next day and got them all setup with email newsletters, Google Apps for sharing documents and everything else we’d need to be a great new PTA.
It didn’t take long for the landscape to look familiar. At our first board meeting, I recommended that we replace the existing “spirit night” fundraiser restaurant partner. (“Spirits Nights” are fundraisers held by the PTA where the school families are asked to eat at one particular restaurant one night a month; and in exchange for the mass patronage, the restaurant donates a percentage of sales to the school’s PTA.) The existing “spirit night” partner had nothing vegetarian on the menu and has a history of funding controversial political causes. I wanted to see the new school pick a new partner, one that had no known political allegiances and one that had a vegetarian-friendly menu.
Well, that did not go well. The new board co-presidents said that right now they were planning to stick with the same partner. They said they wanted to do that because it’s what everyone is used to. This confused me since we’re a new school. Nobody was used to anything yet. It seemed to me to be the perfect time to try going a different direction.
They did not agree. Maybe one day they would change it, they said, but not right away. Instead they went and planned the first school event, a “meet the new principal” night, at this same restaurant. Ugh. I was infuriated.
I was at a crossroads. I wanted to give everything I could to this new school and the new PTA. I was ready, willing and able. All I asked is that my concerns be heard and, hopefully, acted on. I offered to help find the new spirit night partner, as did another friend of mine also on the board. No dice. They weren’t budging.
Since many of the PTA board members had “friended” me on Facebook, I thought I’d try another angle. I decided to revisit some articles that I read that explained why this restaurant was “not so friendly.” I posted and shared these articles on my personal Facebook page, figuring they’d see them and maybe take the time to consider these other views. Maybe I could get them to see my cause for concern and agree that it’s worth considering an alternative partner for the new school.
Boy was I wrong! Instead of sympathy.. or empathy.. or any newfound level of understanding, I got a barrage of emails from the co-presidents of the new PTA board. They told me that I cannot be on the PTA board and share articles on my personal Facebook page that are disparaging to any PTA business partners. They wanted me to stop sharing those views on my personal page… or resign.
Needless to say a lot of heated emails were exchanged after that. At first I wanted to force them to vote me off the board. I wanted to make a statement and have it clearly known that this new board voted out a willing volunteer over this issue, and only in its first two weeks of life.
Instead I went on vacation. We went to Europe for a few weeks (this was back in June) and when I returned I realized that there’s just no changing people sometimes. It’s not worth fighting over. I decided to just walk away.
I wanted to volunteer and make a difference but this new PTA board only wanted me to volunteer and make a difference on their terms. It was clear that I was fighting a solo battle against this new PTA clique. Nothing I said or did would make a difference. If I wanted to stay on the PTA, I’d have to quiet my own voice, in my own life, with my own friends, and make it align with theirs.
I wasn’t willing to do that.
So now my son is in the 2nd grade at the new school and I am not on the PTA board. I’m not involved with the PTA at all. I’m not volunteering. I’m not chipping in. I’m not attending meetings. If anything, I’m boycotting the PTA and their activities. It’s not hard to do. They keep having Spirit Nights at that same restaurant where we can’t eat anyway.
The only thing I do, to keep true to my calling, is emailing the principal each and every time they plan one of these Spirit Night events to remind her that my family would love to attend and support the school but, because we are vegetarian, there’s nothing for us there so we can’t. We’ve been excluded. Just a friendly reminder. A constant, friendly reminder. That’s all I can do it seems.
Now that I know how things work at the PTA. I guess being on the PTA is like being part of the popular clique in school. Either you’re “in” or you’re “out.”
Clearly, I’m out.
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(For the record, I’ve used the term PTA throughout this piece. My son’s school is not part of the nationwide PTA. Their group is technically a “PTO” which means it’s independent, for better or worse, of the overarching PTA organization.)
I am a SAHM who left the corporate environment as an IT Project Manager/Consultant. I loved every minute of my job but made my decision to stay at home. I don’t really want to be involved in PTA’s etc.. but decided a few times can’t hurt here and there in the future to be helpful. I reached out to volunteer on a decorating committee and this post resonates with me (due to similar experience of not being really listened to). This is what I think the problem is: Due to most (not all, of course), PTA moms are SAHM’s – *some* lack the team-building, collaborative nature and execution of corporate or the “work world” when it comes to projects or teams. Therefore, you get some ridiculous and non-productive behavior. I hate non-productive meetings, I want to cut to the chase and assign jobs and be done. I want to have a strong leader who listens to people – not who the person with the most “pull” suggests or who talks the loudest. I love innovation – not same ol stuff. Some women are just obnoxious. I think I really don’t want to be in PTA ever. Doesn’t make me less of a mom, but some stuff is just not my calling – I will leave it up to others. PTA mom won’t be on my tombstone ;P
I had a similar experience in not being called after filling out the ‘how I can help’ form when my son entered Kinder. However, I stepped up, found out who chaired the committees I had interest in, and made contact myself.
I also tried to suggest changes based on my personal preference. Like you, I was not well received. However, I understood that my preference was not more important than everyone else’s and in a group like a PTO, majority rules.
After taking the Carnival Chair position when my son was in 2nd grade, I decided we should be making serious money based on what other local schools were doing (our school of 900 solid middle class kids normally only netted $5,000). After creating a silent auction, getting hundreds of donations from local companies and online requests, convincing a restaurant to cater dinner for 2000 people AND give out $10 coupons to the adults, and bringing our net income to $32,000, both the treasurer and president approached me to ask “was it worth it?” It was at that point that I gave up on our PTA.
Even after that year, I never considered going online to voice my opinion on what the PTA should do. I always went straight to the person in charge of the committee in question.
While I applaud your determination in wanting to participate, I also recognize that you thought the entire school should act around your family’s choices. If you consider that strictly vegan families may account for 1-5% of a school’s population, it is pretty unreasonable to demand a complete change from ChicFilA, who has an established give-back program – especially without coming in with a replacement suggestion. From your article, it seems you didn’t even research other vegan friendly restaurants to find out if they had a give-back program established or if they would be willing to have a school night.
Perhaps, at your next school you will BRING change rather than simply demand it from others.
Two things.
First, I did want to bring the change. I offered to find another partner and was turned down. I was told Chik-Fil-A is an “established partner” which was totally ludicrous considering we were a brand new school. Nothing was “established”.. except that they decided it was. My friend, who is still on the PTA, even offered up a “replacement suggestion” that she had all the info on, and she was shot down too.
Secondly, Chik-Fil-A does have a good track record giving to schools but they also have a track record of donating to anti-LGBT organizations. Beyond my family not being able to eat there because we are vegetarian (which is not the same as vegan, by the way), I think it’s wrong for a public school to partner with any organization that has anti-equal rights political motivations.
The “entire school” does not have to go vegetarian but they should attempt to accommodate as many families as possible. Meat-eaters can eat vegetarian. It’s not asking much to offer a vegetarian choice. Let’s remember that spirit nights are fundraisers and if you can sell something that appeals to a larger audience then that could mean larger funds raised.
Remember that the P in PTA stands for Parent not Partner. The bigger voice in the PTA should be the parents, not the partners.
Hi. My child’s school is a mess! The PTA head is a teacher. She claims this year there were about parents that signed up including me. I had to hunt her down after emailing several people to find out if they needed volunteers for the bookfair only for no one to get back to me. During one of the bookfair days, myself and another parent had to surround her to find out how we could help since another district school had already cancelled their bookfair due to no volunteers. Hmmm…really? I went to a scheduled meeting to find out days later she had cancelled it and did not notify anyone. No one ever gets an email or any communication on meeting dates, what’s happening, nothing!!!! But yet they want parents to donate money. I think not! How about letting the parents in on the PTA. The bimonthly district meetings are only for officers but no one ever gets to know who is running for these so-called officer positions. Never!!! The PTA/O is a joke to rob parents because they are not doing anything for the kids with the money. Trust me, I see the bull. I am actually in the process have starting a parents group that will do something similar as the PTA but actually welcome the parents and volunteers to assist.
PTA is a child advocacy organization and has nothing to do with PTO, which is a completely separate organization. As I read your article, I was saddened to hear how you were treated. I was getting more and more frustrated and disappointed the more I read. Then, I read the footnote at the bottom of the page. The one where you mention how it is really a PTO group and not a PTA, although you used the term PTA. This is misleading. The two organizations are not synonymous. You have misrepresented PTA by continuing to use that title throughout your article. While I remain sympathetic and saddened by how you were treated, it is misleading for you to refer to the group as a PTA and then leave a small footnote at the bottom, that it isn’t a PTA at all.
Here are their respective websites:
http://www.pta.org
http://www.ptotoday.com
I am just in shock about a restaurant in this day and age with zero vegetarian options? Absolutely agree that you should leave your own political views out of the equation. You can always skip the spirit night out but don’t expect everyone to share your beliefs.
THANK YOU, Margaret! At first I was sickened by the article. Reading how PTA units in both California and Florida were excluding the author. Then I read the footnote. My sympathy went right out the window. Sorry, Laura. I’ve been an active PTA member for 32 years in five different states and have never run into the blatant disregard of a volunteer as you have described.
You have misled readers and inflicted damage upon an association that has done more for this country and its children than you know. The PTA was instrumental in the creation of kindergarten classes, child labor laws, the Public Health Service, hot and healthy lunch programs, the juvenile justice system, and mandatory immunizations. (Heard of Kindergarten Round-Up? Those began as wellness check-ups organized by PTA units as a way to insure a child entered school healthy and ready to learn.) PTA leaders/members strive to protect these initiatives while also promoting the importance of the arts and STEM in education and school safety.
What really perplexes me is why in the world did you use “PTA’ and not the offending “PTO”?? In a display of honesty and fairness you should edit your article and remove all mention of the PTA. That would be the decent thing to do.